Pants 0. Shit 1.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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