You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
