At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
