Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
