so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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