rhymes with "ouble enetration"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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