you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
