Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
