i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
babies were throwing up all over the place
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
