I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
