just come out here and I will go home with you...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
