3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
