Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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