I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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