dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
