So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
