I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
