At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
