that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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