So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
