Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
should my penis look like a turkey
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
