the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Small penises have feelings too.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
