I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
