Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
