apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
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