I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
