your parents love me but you hate me
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
