"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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