Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
