his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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