Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
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and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
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Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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