i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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