You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
