I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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