My nipple is on Facebook.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
