dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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