Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
