when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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