Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
