There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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