I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
