Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
