I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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