i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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