my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
