It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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