I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
