I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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