so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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