I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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