My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
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you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
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I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize