She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
A+ Viking dick
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
