I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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