it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
