wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
