Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
