Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
