I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
