I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
