OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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