its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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