Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
