we made out on top of his cat.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Found the puke drawer
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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