I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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