He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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