Having a random hookup so left but love u
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I enjoy the company of your penis
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
