so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
