It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
