Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize