Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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