Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I have post one night stand depression
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
