I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
