Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I feel like abortions should bother me more
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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